The Bloody Ape

If you want a ridiculasly fun watch, then The Bloody Ape is just right for you! This old gem has been entertaining horror fans for years. Here we have a crooked ass carnival with a side show involving a big hairy ape. This ape escapes his confines and goes on a bloody, raping carnage fest. There is plenty of blood, boobs, and bush! This hairy beast will drive a damn car, have sex and have a handful of more bloody mutilations!

2 outta 5 slashes

No Amusement in this Park

At my door, when I came home this evening, was the poster I bought online – The Breakfast Club. One of the best teen movies ever made greeted me after seeing one of the worst teen movies I have witnessed in ages.

SUPERBAD’s Greg Mottola directs this comedy about a floundering college grad (Jesse Eisenberg) who decides to work at an amusement park when his post-graduation plans fall through. ADVENTURELAND’s cast includes Kristen Stewart (INTO THE WILD), Ryan Reynolds (DEFINITELY, MAYBE), and KNOCKED UP cast members Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, and Martin Starr.

The movie was set in 1987. For what reason I can not tell you other than the studio trying to cash in on a retro soundtrack which included entirely too much Lou Reed. Don’t get me wrong, I like Lou Reed but being a teenager in 1987, I rarely came across many people who listened to such obscure songs. The songs people will recognize in this film are poked fun of.

The movie was slow, extremely boring and replete with uninteresting characters. It never felt like 1987 so I couldn’t even enjoy it on a nostalgic level. The movie’s advertising would make you think you are going to see a teen romp comedy with amusement park hijinks. There wasn’t much amusement in this park. There was the occasional funny moment that was quickly followed by the tribulations of the super nice guy and his longing for the morose female lead played by Twilight’s Kristen Stewart. Her character was never likable. I’m tired of the Superbad teen / college comedies that have been flooding the theaters in the past couple of years. Where are the John Hughes and the Cameron Crowes today? Maybe it is my age but there hasn’t been a Breakfast Club, a Fast Times, Say Anything or a Better off Dead comedy in forever. The writers today can not write believable characters who live and breathe truth. Adventureland has an 88% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. That’s pretty good. I don’t know what the critics are seeing but everyone who went to see this movie with me hated it. A few nights ago I watched Porkys. A movie that in my youth was popular because of the shower scene but watching it today it has some meat to it. Strong characters and real issues. Set in the 50s, Porkys pulled no punches even having a character who was racist toward Jews and blacks and was beaten by his father when he failed to follow through with his hatred. That character’s arc was far more interesting than the entire ensemble cast in Adventureland. Do yourself a favor and avoid Adventureland. Watch a classic instead.

Mental Scars

Sometime’s things that happen to you as a child can permanently mess you up and possibly leave you with mental scars. The story here is about an old junkyard called Taggart’s Automotive that is now owned by Lanucci Development, and they plan to make it into a parking lot. The previous owners Betty and Gus Taggart used to live in the old house on the property with their kids.

One day they get an eviction notice on their door and are distraught to think that they are going to lose everything. The Taggart’s one son David had some severe mental illness that made him so much different from his brother Joshua. Joshua constantly tormented his older brother in any way he could find. David was bigger than his brother and should of just beat his ass but maybe he didn’t quite have the mentality to hurt family. 

Dedra Lanucci is the cut throat head bitch at Lanucci Development and will bite your head off in a second! Kennedy Smith is the accountant for the company that accidentally finds out the junkyards torrid past thru a  gossiping neighbor walking her dog, and believe me the terror goes way back beyond the Taggart’s! You will watch this film and see David Taggart creeping thru the junkyard with his knife poised.

He will prey on anyone who steps foot in the junkyard and you can tell it’s him because of that signature way he nervously plays with his bloody hair. If you head over to the films website you can check out photos from the film as well as merchandise. They have a really cool David doll that will be out soon, wonder if they will hook me up with a discount? Check out the trailer below.

trailer-   http://www.mentalscars.com/trailer.html

 

3 outta 5 slashes

Dark Secrets

A famous wealthy couple wake up one gorgeous morning and their whole world shatters, their daughter Dallas has been kidnapped. Detective Jack Farrell is brought into the case to help search for who could of possibly kidnapped the beautiful blonde haired Dallas.  At the house there doesn’t seem to be a single clue as to who could have done the dirty deed.

Detective Farrell worked a case before of another missing little girl named Alice who also disappeared and completely haunted him. Dallas’ parents are Darryl and Lori Van Dyke, both are celebrities which make this a high profile case. Darryl is a race car driver and Lori is a well known soap opera actress. Don’t you think it is sort of strange that since both parents are extremely wealthy there isn’t someone calling with a ransom request?

You’d think someone would be trying to squeeze some dough out of them. Weird. Instead there’s no ransom note, no phone call, no nothing! Could it be the annoying creepy journalist that hovers closely around always taking pictures trying to salvage a story? He taunts Jack Farrell about his past drinking problem and almost ends up with a foot embedded in his ass.

Old and new memories of these child kidnapping cases constantly swirl thru poor Jacks head slowly driving him insane and more determined than ever to solve his current case. Do you think it’s possible that little Dallas is still alive? Another strange thing is the lack of worry of these parents, I wouldn’t be able to function if my child was kidnapped. Dark Secrets brings terror to those who seek the truth.

LIVESTOCK

It starts with three men sitting in a car waiting. Are they in the mob? The bald head of this secret organization Edgar slips into the car and starts to praise his handyman Victor for all of his hard work and most of all his loyalty with them. Edgar also tells him they need to take a quick ride over to the shop to take care of some business that involves Ted Costa.

Mr. Costa is ready to run for senate and threatens to expose things that the public should never now about this higher order. Victor, Edgar, and dread headed Demetri show up to put Mr. Costa in his rightful place, which could very well be in the ground! You see these secrets must be pretty intense in order for someone to be indefinitely silenced for being ready to spill the beans.

Annabel seems to be a quiet hard working woman with a love for horror and shoes! She has two close friends Kristin and Tina who try to convince her that she needs to let loose once in awhile, you only live once and who knows when your time will be up. Annabel confesses to Tina that she is going on a date later with a man she met on the internet.

On her date she expects to have a great night out with this cute guy but as they stroll down the street a woman asks if they have a light and next thing you know they are kidnapped and tied up in some back room. Anthony and his two trollops hint at too what these two are about to become… someone’s bloody but tasty good Livestock!

3 outta 5 slashes

October Moon

Elliot Hamilton seems to be doing great in his relationship and in the middle of planning out his wedding to his long time girlfriend Marty. He is in need of a job so he goes on an interview and is hired by Corrin’s company. He is Corrin’s personal assistant and works closely with him on projects. Now Corrin is a hot, but gay guy in a relationship with a younger man Jake.

Corrin and Jake’s relationship seems to be in a standstill. Jake stays out late partying with his friends and seems to always forget that Corrin is waiting for him at home. He misses the dinners they have planned and just seems a little distant towards Corrin. At work a distraught Corrin confides in Nancy about his relationship woes and listens to her advice since they are extremely close knit friends.

Nancy also notices that Elliot is infatuated with Corrin but he insists he is not gay. Elliot actually has some pent up sexual feelings that he is afraid to let loose since his mother would disown him if she ever found out the truth. The more Elliot hangs out with Corrin the more evident it becomes that he has a crush on him. Soon his crush becomes an obsession that just might prove deadly.

The movie actually is a prequel to another movie I reviewed from Jason Paul Collum called November’s Son. I like that one so much that I begged to review October Moon. The drama and raw feeling in this film is intense, it had me cringing in embarrassment at times and filled with emotion at others! If you can handle men being in love this movie is a great find.

Stu Charno on Some Scene Radio

Our special guest will be character actor and musician, Stu Charno (Friday the 13th, Part 2, Once Bitten, Young Doctors in Love). The show starts Monday night, April 6th 2009 at 9PM EST / 6PM PST. The Stu Charno interview will begin at 9:30 PM EST / 6:30 PM PST. Listen live at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/ThisIsSomeScene.