Love And Mary

There is something about Mary that reminds me of the actress Jaime Pressley. They look alike to me and even sound a like. But anyway Mary is a baker and makes the most delectable desserts that will make your mouth water just looking at their scrumptious contents. I have a huge sweet tooth so I was drooling at all those cakes and pies. I would of loved to have been her partner but I would end up a big fat mess.

Mary’s fiancée’ Jake seems to be allergic to sweets and breaks out in hives every time he is near them. He always ends up soaking in an oatmeal bath to stop the itching. Since he is all broken out his twin brother Brent travels with Mary to her hometown to visit her close knit family all the while pretending to be Jake. Will he be able to fool everyone into believing he is Jake?

This movie was cute and definitely a date movie. Her quirky family grows on you and you might even be disappointed when it’s over since you would love to see some more of their crazy shenanigans. Papi was my favorite, he loves his grand daughter with all of his heart and wants nothing more than for her to be healthy and happy. I loved the part where they went to the club to see her brother play and for her engagement party…cracked me up!

Watching you kind of wish that Mary and Brent would get together instead since they seem to be more suited to each other. They have a lot of the same interests and favorite movies. Jake sits home wallowing in his itchiness becoming more jealous with each phone call he makes to Mary. Will every thing work out as planned? Or will this whole charade fall apart at the seems?

Pictured: Director Elizabeth Harrison.

The Craving

The Craving was already released once as Death Valley, but after some time went by they decided they wanted to change it. Either way it’s the same flick. The desert plays the part of a host for a weird creature who just loves to mutilate and eat people. It also lets off this smell that is like a drug to some people, and to others it just plain out stinks like hell.

Brings you back to the days where hormones ruled and friends didn’t care about who was around when they were trying to get some. They just focus on the prized orgasm and everything else just fades into the background only to be forgotten. Well maybe if they were paying more attention to the road instead of fornicating (always wanted to use that) they would of noticed they were lost a whole lot sooner.

I know when I write my reviews, I try not to spoil to much or give away a lot of the movies details because in my opinion that ruins it for me. Why bother watching a movie when you already know what it is about and you also know how and when the deaths or spooky parts happen, but that’s just me. I’d rather watch the thing on my own and figure it out or see what happens instead of going in knowing everything about it.

The Craving will have you reminiscing about the wild times you have had with friends, plus it will have you shaking your head laughing When the kids react to the hideous smell that creature omits. The freak comes out at night only so they seem to be safe in the daylight. Will anyone survive The Craving or will everyone succumb to it’s devices while being basked in that distinctive smell?

Snip- A Julien Zenier film

Snip.(v)
_To cut, clip, or separate (something)
with short, quick strokes.

Snip. When you hear that what do you think of that word? Scissors? Well it actually has nothing to do with that tool so forget about it. It also is in Spanish but you don’t need to be fluent to understand that the man in Snip is one card short of a full deck. It was almost like the main character found life to be a mundane,  numbing experience and he felt it was necessary to wake up completely once and for all.

He sets up his own video camera after he decides to make his own contribution for some viewers pleasure and who knows who might stumble across it once it was completed. What this man does to himself seemed like maybe I took a bad hit of acid and was having a very bad trip- it’s all very disturbing and very gory. As you watch your stomach will turn at this man’s harsh self made mess.

Batman Super Hour – Monday 9PM EST

Join us Monday night at 9PM EST for our special Batman episode. We will discuss the new movie as well as my hatred for Jack Nicholson’s Joker, the 60s Batman TV series, other actors considered for the role of The Joker and the future of the franchise.

Also, Movie News, Attack of the B-Movies and a chance to win something from SlackerPlanet.net at the show opening by guessing a very simple movie quote.

Tune in LIVE at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/ThisIsSomeScene.

When Little Men Have A Voice

This past week, Doug emailed me an article by a writer from CHUD. You can read it here and then come back and read my retort.

It makes me ill when I read what fanboys write on the internet. That is why I avoid most of the popular fanboy film sites. The sites are replete with, dare I say men, who are socially retarded but since the internet can let any Joe be cool, they now have a voice. Fanboys who care more about trying to write a shocking headline:

THE DARK KNIGHT MADE ME BLOW MY LOAD, SHIT MY PANTS AND CUM IN YOUR EYE

instead of writing a good or even a coherent review. They are all about the spoiler and love to drop names. But when one of these dorks writes something as pitiful as the article I am referencing, I need to stand up and put them in their place. 

I never heard of the guy from Chud, but there are even lesser fanboys who want to suck his cock. I can’t tell you why fanboys are gay for him.

I see nothing wrong with seeing a movie multiple times, I grew up doing that and I still do it now because the point he is missing is the experience of sitting in a theater with a live audience and watching it on a mega screen with surround sound – the way the artist who created it intended it to be seen. How many people would go to the Louvre in France to see the Mona Lisa more than once if they had the money? Or the statue of David? Is looking at a photograph in a book of Michelangelo’s ceiling in the Sistine Chapel going to give you the same experience of seeing it in person, looming large above you in all its artistic glory?

Is he suggesting that you should go see the Pyramids of Egypt only once in your life and then try to capture that same awe by looking at pictures of the pyramids in a book? Sadly, most people can only do it once, if that, but that is not the point.

What about other media? How many people re-read books? If the movie going experience is exceptional, I want to experience it as often as I can because once it is no longer in the theater I will not be able to have that feeling again. Rarely does it happen that I will go back again and again to see a film and in between those moments I see all the other art house / indie films that he claims people are not paying attention to. A real filmgoer knows that watching a film on DVD pales in comparison to seeing it on the big screen. I went and saw Cloverfield 3 times in one weekend. And each time I went with someone new to enjoy it with them. Not to mention the dinner before and drinks after – seeing a movie multiple times in one weekend has been highly social. I have the Cloverfield DVD and watching it on my TV can not recreate what I felt on the big screen.

And is this guy saying that it is alright to sit in your home and watch the same movie over and over again on DVD? Does he do this? I’m sure that he does. And if he doesn’t like to view a movie in the theater more than once or twice he shouldn’t be in the business.

If you forgive me for getting slightly spiritual here, there is also a communal experience going on in a theater. With the right audience, all the people together feeling the same emotions together is a rush – hundreds of people laughing together, crying, being afraid – it can’t be recreated at home on DVD.

I guess these fanboy sites have gotten to a point where they think they are movie gods and this jerk doesn’t even appreciate what he is reporting on.  He sounds like he is trying to be the cool guy.

“Oh, I don’t go see movies more than twice because I’m a hip-happenin’ dude who gets chicks” (which probably never happened to him before CHUD). I have news for that guy – the weekend I saw Cloverfield 3 times, I also got laid and had a very social weekend. It’s not that difficult.

Cloverfield was 90 minutes. 3 times that is 4.5 hours. I wonder if this guy spent that amount of time IN HIS HOUSE watching TV in one weekend. Or at his computer surfing the net. At least I was out being social. His little man rant is full of holes.

Like I said before, the day of the fanboy has come and gone. People are tired of their antics. Do your job, report on entertainment and if going to a movie 3 times brings you down you shouldn’t be doing this – we revel in those opportunities. Some of these guys start believing their own press and that usually is when the ground comes out from under them.

The Adventures Of Johnny Tao- a Ken Scott film

I was dreading watching this movie because it’s not my style or something I would of chosen for myself to view. Johnny lives in a dirty little town and makes his living by charging tourists or who ever else is interested to see the famous electric guitar that his deceased father had a one hit wonder with. Business isn’t over flowing but it is managing to keep him a float for now.

The guitar has it’s own legend that says it’s actually partially made out of an ancient spear that Tao’s father had found in the crater of a shooting star. So when Johnny’s friend Eddie finds the other half of the spear an evil angry demon is released and it is hell bent on causing as much chaos and destruction as it possibly can with powers of the mind that will make a person do whatever he commands.

My son loves martial arts of any kind and was flabbergasted by this flick. He loved the effects, storyline and all the complex fighting scenes. I liked how Tao’s way of training was the wax on wax off kind of way that Ralph Macchio had in The Karate Kid. Mika shows up to help out Johnny with his quest to save his town from complete and utter destruction. 

Mika is a martial artist genius and feels bad enough to help him improve his moves in between kicking some major demon tush! This flick was fun to watch and holds your interest with it’s low dose humor and silly synopsis. It’s almost like a fairytale or urban legend you might of heard about when you were a kid. People of all age ranges will slide into The Adventures Of Johnny Tao with ease.

Sucky Good Movies and Good Sucky Movies

My roommate was in the bathroom taking off her make-up when she suddenly screamed. I knew immediately… It was a palmetto bug! Those things occasionally enter our domain to test our resolve. They’re big, scary and practically indestructible.

“Palmetto bug! Palmetto bug!” She shouted. “It’s huge!”

 “So kill it,“ I say to her from another room.

 “I can’t, it’s too fast!” She shrieks.

By the time I arrived on the scene, the rather sizable palmetto had crawled under the dryer. So I sprayed some insect killer and went about my business. A minute later, she screamed again! The bug had reemerged… Still alive and even stronger than before.

I sprang up like a super hero and grabbed the first hard object within my grasp; the dog dish. Meanwhile, my roommate grabbed the toilet brush. (Obviously very little thought went into our arsenal.)

Now, I dunno if you’ve ever tried to kill a palmetto before but those bastards are made of iron! So there we were, my roommate and I… Hunched over the bathroom floor in the middle of the night… Both in pajamas… Wailing away at this diabolical bug with a dog dish and toilet brush.

The end result? A very dead bug, very annoyed neighbors and a very confused dog…”What are you doing with my food dish?”

Sometimes people come together. In this case, my roommate and I agreed on a common goal… To kill that bug in any way necessary and with whatever means at our disposal. Such moments have a certain degree of satisfaction. We came. We saw. We conquered. If only it were as easy to come together when choosing what to watch on TV.

NOTE TO WOMEN- I’m sorry but SEX IN THE CITY sucks. It just sucks. And why must the commercials always show montages of the four leading ladies laughing? Stupid.

To be fair, I am often finding myself at odds with the general public when it comes to entertainment…

In 2006 M. Night Shyamalan wrote, produced and directed a movie called LADY IN THE WATER. Now, since I am an uber* fan of two of his earlier works (THE 6^TH SENSE and SIGNS) one might assume I’d have gone to the theater to watch LADY IN THE WATER with an optimistic smile on my skinny yet oddly photogenic face. But did I? No. Why not? Because everyone (and everyone’s grandmother) told me it sucked.

* I never used the word “uber” before JASON X was released. As if that movie hadn’t done enough harm, now it’s infringed upon my vocabulary.

Well, last night HBO showed LADY IN THE WATER and because AT&T is kindly offering one month of free premium channels, I decided to give it a chance. Going in, I fully expected a lackluster experience and began playing with the battery cover on the back of the remote to make it more endurable. If things got really bad, I’d pretend the remote was a space ship and land it safely on my knee several times.  

A half-hour into the movie, I was surprised by one glaring fact: I was enjoying it! By the one-hour mark, I was absolutely fascinated by the story and characters, wondering when the “suck” was going to kick in. The next thing I knew, the movie was over and I said aloud to my roommate, “That was actually really good. What was wrong with it?” Having never seen it (because she heard it sucked), she could only shrug and say, “Write an article about it.” So here I am.

In spite of the tone of its previews, LADY IN THE WATER was not a horror movie or a suspense thriller (though it did have creepy moments). I think the studio was partly to blame for the public’s negative reaction by promoting it improperly (hoping to capitalize on THE 6^TH SENSE no doubt). Once you put that aside, you’re left with a very unique story and likable characters. I cared about the people involved and wanted to know what was going to happen to them. These days, that’s becoming a rare thing.

I was reminded of my experience watching Steven Spielberg’s A.I. in 2001. More than half the theater got up and walked out on it. Yet I sat there on the edge of my seat with tear-filled eyes and my hands folded at my chest. When the credits rolled, I said, “Awesome! Bravo! Auteur!” Meanwhile, the guy behind me was apologizing to his friends: “Sorry! I thought it was gonna be cool. I didn’t know!”

Another such occurrence was Stanley Kubrick’s final film, EYES WIDE SHUT.  We may have lost 75% of the audience on that one. One old man actually hobbled off while yelling at his wife, “If you wanna stay and watch this piece of sh*t, go ahead. I’m leaving!” When it ended, the remaining audience members breathed heavily, as if someone had spent the last 2 hours holding their faces underwater. Yet I sat there applauding… The lone clapper in a theater full of angry patrons. They all turned to me with dagger eyes and I briefly wondered if they were going to gang up and take out their frustrations on my body.

Then there’s THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and its sequel. I loved them both. Did you? I see very little of you nodding. Why must people hate the movies I enjoy?

On the other hand, I have had the opposite experience too. Ya know that whole LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy that everybody praises as the greatest thing since M&Ms? Well, the visuals were certainly stunning (truly superb) but I just… well, at the risk of angering 90% of the world’s population, I really didn’t give a rat’s ass.

“Oh, Joey, do you think the Hobbits will have better luck in their travels in the second movie?”

 Hmmm. Ya know what? They can shove that ring right up Bilbo’s ass and I’d be equally moved.

 (Ass. Moved. Ha.)

And then there’s MAGNOLIA. Nominated for three Oscars, this thing was. Speaking like Yoda, I am now. But was the movie any good? Most people seem to think so. Me? Hated it. It started off great and ended well… But the three hours in between got on my nerves.

I would say that there’s no hope for reconciliation between me and the general movie-going public but I’m sure there are plenty of films the majority of us can agree on…

Roland Emmerich’s 1998 GODZILLA, for instance? It was terrible. Just awful. Agreed? Good. I mean, how they messed that one up, I’ll never know. They had a built in story about a giant monster stomping buildings to bits. Roll camera! But noooo. They decided it’d be more fun to have an over-sized lizard eating piles of dead fish. “Yeah, and let’s have 2½ hours of that.” Boring. Boring. Boring.

Or how about JAWS: THE REVENGE? What’s the excuse for that mess? Universal Studios called JAWS 3 “a mistake” yet signed off on the script for JAWS: THE REVENGE? Did they honestly think this would get things back on track? And according to the IMDB, its estimated budget was 23 million. Seriously! It’s cost more than 45 times the budget of THE EVIL DEAD (a great movie) to make a turd like JAWS: THE REVENGE. That just pisses me off!

So, kind reader, perhaps our mutual dislike of GODZILLA (1998) and JAWS: THE REVENGE will keep us together. We can remain friends even if we do disagree on everything else. Those two movies (and others like them) are our palmetto bugs. Let’s beat on them with a dog dish and toilet brush until Hollywood pays attention.

Megan Fox Nude in Jennifer’s Body NSFW

Ok, this is not safe for work (NSFW). Recently Megan Fox reported wanting to do an entire movie in the nude, well until that happens she will be topless in the upcoming film Jennifer’s Body. You can view Megan’s nude self here from the set of Jennifer’s Body. It has also just been reported that Megan Fox will have a make-out scene with female co-star Amanda Seyfried. It sounds like Jennifer’s Body has much to offer. I’m SOOO there.

Check out the nude photos here.

A Few Screws Loose

Heading into this I really thought it was just going to be another slasher/stalker film pin pointing on one killer….not so! This movie has a view of quite a few people who have a hell of a lot more than just a few screws loose. Some of these characters will physically turn your stomach as you imagine having an encounter with them. It will give you chills down your arms and bile up your throat!

Maybe it’s to show you that we all have a little crazy in us, but these fuckers go beyond crazy to almost sadistic- especially Eric. He likes to transform himself into a wigged out mask wearing lunatic and just tear people apart taking some of their innards with him. His captain hook like friend Johnny is a weird son of a bitch who seemed squeamish at times Eric would be caving some poor soul up, but don’t be fooled because he is bad news.

Then there’s a group of rabid girl scout looking chicks who think their friend Ember is missing for a reason so they get their freak on in the woods leaving some poor fool with a head like a watermelon slushy. The gore factor is great in this film and I found myself skeeved out several times thru out. Watching these characters play out their mishaps and misery was totally disturbing to watch.

 

 

www.myspace.com/afewscrewsloosemovie

www.afewscrewsloosemovie.com

Gemini Rising: The Lamb

It is midnight, Friday, July 18th and that cinematic moment that has been highly anticipated has finally arrived. No, not Batman, The Dark Knight. I’m talking about Gemini Rising, Episode 4 “The Lamb.”

It is Thanksgiving 1974. The new 8 1/2 minute episode begins with Rob McKenzie (Righteous Jolly) playing a new love song he wrote called “Sandy” who we know from previous episodes is his beautiful girlfriend played by Pam McGarvey. The doe-eyed Sandy, enamored by having a song written in her name, hangs on every note along with an uneasy Tubbs (Antonio Addeo), clearly agitated as he listens. As the song ends, complete with Rob wiping the tears from his eyes (genius!), tensions rise as Tubbs questions the song’s connection to the “theme” the band is going for.

But before the debate gets heated, the mood is saved when the rest of the group enters brandishing a recently acquired vinyl record of Genesis’ The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. Richie (Charles Radcliffe) handles it delicately as the group gazes upon the record with reverence.

They all wish each other a Happy Thanksgiving and we are introduced to Chi, I mean Chet or maybe it’s Che (Ryan Patrick McFarland), leader of the ALA (Amphibian Liberation Army). According to Rob, reptiles/snakes are saved by the AMPHIBIAN Liberation Army. You got to just love Rob’s cluelessness. And at the same time your heart is breaking because you know Sandy has motivation behind asking about Chet and Rob, so in love with her, can’t even see it.

This is followed by an interesting chat about IF (Interpersonal Frequency), a group that promotes open relationships and fulfillment through non-commitment. However, it would seem that the guys are using it to get laid by many broads every night of the week without having to date them. This might be the greatest group ever. Tubbs calls it “Sex-opolis.” Once again, Rob’s naiveté of things of this nature is priceless and makes for great comedy. I’m not sure if IF will play a part in Rob & Sandy’s relationship but that would be interesting to see. 

After a meatless Thanksgiving dinner, Rob and Barry (Michael Jared Kite) head outside for a smoke. I won’t reveal what happens in this scene but it is a killer ending which had me laughing my ass off and anxiously anticipating the next episode. I can’t wait for what is about to happen.

Fugue Films continues to create something worthwhile, still building the story, the characters, staying fresh and funny. Check it out at http://www.geminirising.tv/ - click on Episodes.

As an afterthought from watching this episode, I realized how different the world is when it comes to music and the release of a new album. In the 70s it was an event. You would gather your friends together to listen to an album. It meant something back then. And then the lyrics from Ani DiFranco’s “Fuel” came into my head:

people used to make records
as in a record of an event
the event of people playing music in a room
now everything is cross-marketing
its about sunglasses and shoes
or guns and drugs
you choose

 

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