The Future of Pirates of the Caribbean?

Musings by Captain Chris Blake Sasser

With the release of AT WORLD’S END, the Pirates are sailing into the cinematic history books.  So ends the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. Of course, the question on everyone’s mind these days (that if you are a fan of the series) is have we really seen the last of Captain Jack Sparrow? Considering that DEAD MAN’S CHEST made over a BILLION DOLLARS at the box office and the newly released third chapter is breaking records in it’s own right, there’s a pretty good chance we might be treated to at least one more Jack Sparrow outing. Johnny Depp has said he would don the dreads again. Director Gore Verbinski has claimed he would do another. What is certain is that the first trilogy has most definitely been concluded.  The story of Elizabeth Swann and Will Turner has come to a satisfying close.  The next chapter would need to start anew. I’d like to see Jack Sparrow doing what he does best. Being a scheming, plundering pirate. He needs to be after an all new grand treasure of mind boggling proportions. Perhaps along the way he could encounter an alluring mermaid or fall victim to the dreaded Siren song…

The possibilities with Jack are all but endless. But what about Jack’s next nemesis? I was running over in my mind a bunch of actors who might make nifty pirates. My first choice, the pirate I would like to see most of all match wits with Sparrow would be Boris Karloff. If you have ever seen him as Captain Hook from the 1950 stage production of Peter Pan, you’ll know where I’m coming from.

Of course, since dear Boris has long since passed on, we have to think of other candidates. Ben Kingsley might be an interesting pirate villian…that is, if he isn’t tied up playing the Vulture in Spider-Man 4. 

 

 Kurt Russell is an actor who, as director John Carpenter has often stated, “can play anything” so why not a pirate? He’s been a cowboy, a sci-fi anti-hero, and even a crazed stunt-man. A grizzled pirate seems like a natural (and no, Captain Ron does NOT count).

 

 

 

Terrance Stamp– Zod himself– would surely make a nefarious pirate. And so would the one and only Lance Henriksen. Talk about intense. And if you want to get really cut throat, why not throw Danny Trejo’s name into the ring? And what about the ladies? It might very well be time for a cut throat FEMALE antagonist to take charge in the series and really give good old Captain Jack a run for his money. What do you think? I’d love to get a discussion going here concerning your ideas on future pirate candidates. So grab some rum and get busy…  

28 Weeks Later – It’s All The Rage

The original film, 28 Days Later, was a new twist on the zombie genre. So much so that it really isn’t a zombie film but a virus film. That virus is called the Rage Virus and when infected a person becomes violent and deadly, seeking out its victims relentlessly and eating them. Most people thought that the movie did not need a sequel. That can be said about almost any movie but if a movie is relatively successful a sequel is inevitable. Even if it is voted the worst movie of the year by every critic, as in the case of “The Hills Have Eyes” remake, it still gets a follow-up.

Director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo leads a fantastic cast in this kick ass sequel. I found myself loving the characters hoping they would survive the madness that surrounded them. 28 Weeks Later is rather disturbing and haunting. This movie actually made me gasp in horror as I witnessed what had happened up on the screen mostly because given the scenario that a virus took hold of a city I’m quite certain and frightened that the government might act in a similar manner – truly horrifying.

The film starts six months after the Rage virus has spread throughout the city of London. The United States Army has restored order and is repopulating the quarantined city, when a carrier of the Rage virus enters London and unknowingly re-ignites the spread of the deadly infection, wreaking havoc on the entire population.

It’s really hard to talk about what I loved in this movie without giving anything away. So I’ll leave it up to you to go and see this film and I can say if you love yourself a great horror film, you won’t be disappointed. My only complaint about this film is the camera work during the action sequences. This was also in the original. The fast cut and blurred frenzied movement is supposed to instill panic in its viewer but for me it distracts from the storytelling. That type of cinematography should stay in MTV videos or be limited drastically.

The soundtrack is just as haunting and increases the tension in the film. Any horror film junkie will find much to love in 28 Weeks Later.

If you like this movie, check out “The Crazies” by George Romero.

P.S. After talking to Chris he pointed out the fact that I failed to mention the hotness that is both Rose Byrne and Imogen Poots. So yeah… they are very hot.

The Scarlet Letters- Written by Baron Blakley and Directed by Kevin Hershberger

“The Scarlet Letters” was a short film that really hit home for me. I know what it is like having some scumbag put something in your drink then encouraging your already buzzed self to down it so his ball-less self can take you home and screw you while your head is screaming no but your mouth can’t open to say ANYTHING and all of your appendages have lost all their normal functions.

Fortunately for me I had a friend help me home instead of having the big bad wolf, like Paul, eat me up for dinner. He paid his dues for that stunt with a few broken ribs while instead I envisioned me going over to his house to feed him his own nasty balls!

This film is the first in a series of shorts about the seven deadly sins and it showcases “lust.” It’s a brand new take on the classic “boy meets girl” story, and will make you think you know what is going to happen but in the end you realize you were somewhat wrong.

     Tonya, the sweet demure novel reading character at the bar was great as she sat there listening to Paul Burke the jerk talk her up trying to move in for the kill. I sat there wanting to kick that man’s deviant ass for the whole 14 minutes of this short film. Seeing someone being so calculated and cold really bothered me and brought back painful memories of throwing my guts up from the drug for 15 hours straight, but guess what, it was a waste of time because even drunk and drugged I still wouldn’t and didn’t screw his ass! Should liable men be punished for the sinister acts they commit, of course and no not every man out there behaves this way but you need to always watch your back and NEVER consume a drink that you haven’t seen poured yourself. This flick will remind you to be extra careful. 

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Mime- written and directed by Jakob Bilinski

I just finished watching a little less than thirty minutes short from Jakob Bilinski called “Mime.” Let me tell you something, this was one of the most clever shorts that I have seen in a long time that kept making me laugh while thinking “Damn how do they come up with this?” Very comical dialog in the courtroom debate was my favorite part of it all. The story is a mime commits a crime and is tried for it in court. The Mac daddy judge, the dark haired counselor with those sexy lips, and of course “Binky” the mime. The court audience itself was a wild array of scandal within itself.

Originality ranks high on this films list and with the actual situation that entails- I don’t want to give anything away because then it will take out all the enjoyment of watching it. You get so caught up in these silly characters that are so convincingly played out before you. I Loved the very obvious poke at O.J. Simpson and when the final bags of evidence were revealed and shown to the mime, his stoic face suddenly waivers and I laughed my ass off!. “Mime” is worth the time and a great way to put a smile on your face. I actually have a few other flicks of his to review and I just can’t wait to get on them!

Broken- Directed by Alex Ferrari

This indie film was made on a budget of only $8000 and still carries that classic film shine. There is nothing that screams out “We Have No Money” like a lot of films out there, it looks very professional and if you weren’t told this fact I really believe you could not tell the difference. Alex Ferrari’s “Broken” is a 20 minute short that uses intense visual imagery along with many special effects shots that will blow your screen up thru out the entire film. I will say that each of the characters reminded me of a comic strip action hero come to life, everyone had strong stand out personalities besides Bonnie who seems confused on why she is even there.

Strapped to her wheelchair in a flimsy hospital gown, Bonnie slowly tries to piece together this crazy scenario where her life is at risk and I know is thinking “Is there anyone out there that can help me? Will the answer to why their is a gun pointed at her be revealed? “Broken” clasps it’s arms around your neck and squeezes tightly till your blue in the face then quickly lets go only to squeeze you once again. When Bonnie gets mad she’s going to make her brown eyes turn icy blue! A full length feature is left to be desired by all who has had the guilty pleasure of seeing this short.

Also this month a mammoth sized art book that illustrates scenes from the wacky world of broken will be available for purchase. The coffee table book showcases on set photo’s, character design, short film screenplay, and much more. Alex Ferrari has created a new addiction for film goers and I don’t think anyone is going to settle down about it until they see it as a full on feature at their local town theater. I see video game offers in the future, if not then those suckers will be sorry because it would sell like the Matrix hot off the press. Here we have a movie that has both action and horror…what else could we ask for?

http://www.myspace.com/broken2006
http://www.whatisbroken.com

Recent Films Watched

 

Here are some quick thoughts on some movies I recently watched.

Hostel

 I can’t say that I went into “Hostel” with great expectations. I thought the concept was interesting; Three backpackers head to a Slovakian city that promises to meet their hedonistic expectations, with no idea of the hell that awaits them in the form of torture by rich men. I need to tell all filmmakers of the horror genre one thing.

“MAKE ME CARE!”

Today’s horror filmmakers do not make us care for the characters. In fact I was very close to downright hating these cookie-cutter horror film characters. A classic horror film like “Carrie” gives the audience a chance to truly love the character. No matter how many times I watch “Carrie”, I hope that maybe this time the prom will go right for her. I am completely involved with the character. What would the “Evil Dead” movies be without Ash? I’ll tell you, just another lame ass slasher flick. Horror is not about the gore. It’s about characters we love having horrifying experiences. “Hostel” isn’t really a slasher flick but is part of the new fad of torture porn. Gore doesn’t bother me but let it have a purpose, let it threaten a character I’m invested in; otherwise I’m just watching a snuff film.

Not a horror film but “The Passion of the Christ” was a snuff film as well. Even if the character is so well known, like Jesus, the film must make us like the character in the movie. I found “The Passion” laughable because it starts with beatings and continues through the entire film. By the time he was falling with the cross I was laughing out loud in the theater (thankfully I was the only one in the movie theater.)

So “Hostel” fails to make me care and that means it fails as a movie and Eli Roth failed as a director.

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! 

This classic Russ Meyer exploitation movie has fast cars, fast women and lots of violence. I’m sure this movie would have been even more entertaining seeing it at a Drive-In back in the day. I can’t suggest checking it out because it is not available except in bootleg form. If you are into exploitation films or b-movies in general, give Faster Pussycat a go, once again, that is if you can find it.

Night at the Museum

 This was mildly entertaining and I think kids will enjoy it. I do not think it will stand the test of time and be a classic children’s film.

 

Shrek the Turd

Sorry, Puss. It ain’t gonna work this time. 

Sometimes an animated children’s feature comes out and it is so well written and original that it entertains audiences of all ages. This was true of “Shrek 2″, a hilarious and original film, with clever writing and interesting characters. 

However, for the third installment of the Shrek franchise they decided to follow Hollywood formula and leave out all originality. What you end up with is a very lame and uninteresting piece about Shrek coming to terms with becoming a father. As I heard it stated best by another reviewer, “Shrek has jumped the shark.”

Not even Puss-N-Boots could save this movie for me. Everything about this production is lazy and insults its audience. There really wasn’t any more to the Shrek franchise after ”Shrek 2″ and “Shrek the Third” hammers this point home.

Do not waste your time seeing this crap and don’t abuse your children by putting them through such mediocre garbage.

These Are Some Twins!

Chris and I took a Guerilladelphia road trip to the Monster Mania Con 8 in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. I picked up a copy of the out of print exploitation movie, “Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill” on DVD and Chris spent his money on things as well.

We got to meet Jeff Fahey and the amazing Crazy Babysitter Twins from Grindhouse.

During the talkback with the twins and Fahey a few things were revealed. The twins said that all the missing reel stuff for Planet Terror was shot and that it will be on the DVD. They also said that they are in the lap dance scene in Death Proof. All three of them hinted that they will be appearing in the upcoming Sin City 2 and Jeff did say that Machete is in talks and that he will do it if it gets the greenlight. They said that it looks like the Grindhouse movies will be released separately on DVD. This is not what I want to happen but we might not have a choice.

Other tidbits:

• Rodriguez shot some scenes differently so that his son could watch the movie. His son’s version doesn’t have him shooting himself.
• Fahey believes that the dog was killed in Planet Terror because Fahey’s character was the one who shot the dog in “Silverado.” This could be true because of Rodriguez and Tarantino being such big film buffs. However, there is also the fact that one of the twins wanted blood on her, they put it on her but then they needed a reason for the blood and the dog being killed explained why she had blood on her. It is probably both of these reasons as to why Rusty the dog got killed.
• The stuff on the walls in the bar in “Death Proof” was from Tarantino’s personal collection.

The twins not only looked prettier in person but their skin was ultra-soft, they smelled great and they were very friendly and funny. The way they acted on screen was how they are in real life, finishing each other’s sentences and bickering, but in a pleasant way. One of the twins was given one of the Death Proof cars after the movie wrapped and within 3 minutes crashed the car. The twin claimed that it was not her fault but it was “the destiny of the car.” Her sister said the real reason was that she sucks as a driver.

P.J. Soles from Halloween, Carrie and Rock –N- Roll High School was present as well as members from Dawn and Day of the Dead. Almost any type of collectible was available even “Thundar the Barbarian” on DVD, which the dealer wouldn’t part with for less that $25 so the dealer still has it. I even saw “Johhny Sokko and his Giant Robot” but didn’t pick it up.

I am looking forward to the next Monster Mania Con in August and am thinking of buying a table for SlackerPlanet.net.

Monster Mania Con 8

Monster Mania Con 8. It is being held in Cherry Hill, NJ on May 18-20. Visit the site at http://www.monstermania.net They are very organized and put on a great con. I recommend if you are around the area, check it out. They just added Tyler Mane (new Myers from Zombie’s Halloween) and have Matthew Lillard from Scream and Scooby Doo fame as main Guests.

Next Page »