Pirates 3: At World’s End Featurette

Click below to watch a featurette on the upcoming Pirates At World’s End

At World’s End Featurette

Star Wars: A brief nod 30 years later.

This May will be 30 years since Star Wars hit the big screen. THIRTY YEARS! If anything makes me feel old it is that fact alone. But what is it that should be celebrated? It’s not what it became or the downward spiral that occurred in 1997 with the Special Editions followed by the horrendous prequels. I don’t even want to get into any of that or even what Star Wars means or doesn’t mean to me today. What I want to celebrate is that first moment. That first viewing of the film in 1977 as a six-year-old going on seven changed my life.

As a child Star Wars was for me as it was for so many others, unforgettable. From the moment the Star Destroyer appeared to fly overhead and never end to the award ceremony at the end, I was never the same. Movies from that moment on were in my blood. The movie theater became my church and film my religion. And 30 years later it is as strong in me, perhaps stronger.

Now Jaws is my all time favorite movie but it came out in 1975. I was only 5 and I recall JAWS probably from the re-release. But I would have to say that Star Wars started it all. And whatever it is that had started in 1977, that bug that was put in me, it’s still there which to me means I haven’t yet done what I need to do to please this bug in me. If that makes any sense. I just felt the need to say something about this and I doubt I will talk much more about it since I rarely do. Lucas has managed to destroy most of what the name meant to me. But if I use my imagination and take myself back to the 70s it’s an entirely different thing.

Stupid Teenagers Must Die Review

“Stupid Teenagers Must Die” directed by Jeff C. Smith has accomplished being one of the funniest horror flicks out there right now. He goes back to basics with this 80’s oriented film that has you glued to the screen with it’s goofiness and classic horror situations like the lights all go out and then the famous stupid question that is always asked comes, “Is someone in here?” You know with the whole “C’mon guys quit playing around” kinda thing.

A group of kids get together at Murder McGee’s house to have a séance hoping to provoke his spirit into coming out to play. McGee murdered his family in the house and it’s supposed to be haunted. Kane with his Michael Jackson like jacket and the beautiful Julie arrive at the house with Madelyn and Alfie sitting at the table looking smug. Maddy doesn’t want Kane there at first but then it works out.

Tiffany the petite little blonde bounces in looking for Mike who didn’t show up while the two lesbians Sissy and Jamie continue to moan and salivate on each other in excitement. Ryan the dork in the pink alligator on the pocket shirt who can’t wait to get his ass a seat at the table next to anything female. Two geeks that must trail this crowd try to get involved but end up just taking a tour of the house instead.

Considering this film had a very tight budget I think it turned out great, there was plenty of blood to make use of on that set. I liked being able to laugh when something really awful was going on, “Cory Assink” was hilarious and reminded me of an Ashton Kutcher in his prime but a lot less annoying. When he found Madelyn and tried to tell the group what happened had me laughing my ass off.

Director Jeff C. Smith started his film career back in high school but says his projects back then will never be viewed for the sole purpose that they are positively awful. “Stupid Teenagers Must Die” is far from being a flop, it’s everything any B movie lover every dreamed off. Blood and Boobs is a lethal combination in the horror world and this one has a little of both.

http://www.myspace.com/stupidteenagers

Eat Your Heart Out

     One day I was on Myspace browsing thru the film section and came across this movie “Eat Your Heart Out.” I was immediately taken with the films headline “Safe sex will never be the same.” I thought to myself “How could this not be interesting?” Sex and horror seem to really be the in thing right now from bringing back Exploitation flicks to horror porn. Does this give you an idea of how fucked up today’s world really is?

     Jeffry Shapiro is a car insurance salesman whose love life is just about non existent so he becomes depressed and just wants one reason to get up in the morning, someone to make his life complete. Poor thing goes thru his little black book and was barely recognized by any of the women in there. So he decides to do what any normal horny male will do in a bind, he’ll call an escort service and pay for it.

  

   After even being struck down by the numerous hookers he was knocking it with he finally meets the enticing Pandora who is selling her box for cash but still falls in love with her and asks her to be his fiancé. Jeffry is exposed to this woman’s hunger for flesh and is appalled but STILL in love, will he stay with her and support her sickening habit of making NYC look like just one giant buffet.

   

The gore was pretty cool in this one, Pandora munches on her victims leaving a bloody disgusting trail for “The Stalker” who is hunting her down with the determination of a dog in heat. Will he catch up to her, or will she just slip thru his violent fingers again? “Eat Your Heart Out” also has plenty of squishy sounding neck breaking noises that caught me off guard and made me cringe.

     Alan Rowe Kelly plays the hookers/escorts madam and was quite the character with the mouth of a truck driver, kinda like my fellow bums at bumscorner.com like to say about me. Her existence on film is short lived but totally memorable. In the past week I have reviewed several films and they all were pretty boring or just flat out bad. That just wasn’t part of “Eat Your Heart Out’s” plan, and this movie will show you what a woman has to endure to survive… ya know a girl’s gotta eat! 

 

CAST:

Pandora- Melissa Bacelar
Jeffry- Jack Dillon
The Stalker- Joshua Nelson
Laura- Jeanette Bonner
Mama- Alan Rowe Kelly
Chucky- Greg DePetro
Tony- Ed Avila
Vincent- Peter Sickles
Passion- Erika Smith 
Nikki- Natalie Laspina
Kitten- Sharon Hawk
Gus- Richard S. Sargent
Dylan, Mama’s Head Escort- JessAnn Smith
Destiny- Julissa Lopez
Pierced John- Chris Rowan
Scooter- John Scott Green
Mandy- Natalie Ostapiak
Baby- Sasha Nelson
Lisa-  Colleen Divincentis
Diane- Katherine Shaw
The Hitman- Frank Campana
Junkie- Adnthony Vasquez
Fat John- Orville McCarter 
Venus- Alisha Frank

‘Vacancy’ seriously lacking in originality

Announced as a cross between Psycho and Hostel, Vacancy lacks the suspense of master filmmaker Alfred Hitchcock and has none of the elements of “torture porn” that is prevalent in films such as Hostel or Saw. Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving trailer in Grindhouse had more gore than this movie.

The plot is simple, a married couple on the verge of divorce (Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale) experience car trouble on a dark and desolate road at night. They seek refuge at an out-of-the-way motel. Shortly after entering their room they discover that they are being tormented by a small group that videotape the deaths of the motel guests to sell on the snuff film market.

From the opening credits we can see poor attempts at capturing a credit sequence in the style of Saul Bass and a score that is a far cry from Bernard Hermann’s work. This film insults the audience with its second rate attempts to imitate first rate artists. I should have known I was in for trouble after noting that the director’s name is Nimrod.

Beckinsale’s character is such a hateful bitch from the beginning that I could care less whether she lived or died. I got the impression that an attack by madmen at a motel was a welcome distraction for Luke Wilson compared to what he must have went through married to this venomous Beckinsale character.

The characters run back and forth throughout the film without much of a plan and sometimes appear less intelligent than the typical dumb blonde in a slasher flick. The ending was a complete disappointment in which you could hear a collective “wha?” from the audience as it just fizzled out.

The final verdict? Hollywood is hurting for originality. When it comes to horror all they have managed to do was take all the classics and remake them badly or gross us out with torture porn. But can you blame them? When something original comes out like Grindhouse, today’s audiences stay home. There will never be another Hitchcock. If you want suspense go rent a Hitchcock film. As for this forgetful movie, do yourself a favor and let the theater stay vacant.

Why do such cool bands have SUCH shitty publicists. (DEFTONE’S)

The Mighty Peking Man = Good Fun!

Recipe for a great evening of classic grindhouse hilarity.

1.) Rent the Mighty Peking Man.

2.)Buy lots of beer.

3.)Invite your friends.

The Mighty Peking Man is Hong Kong’s King Kong. A hilarious grindhouse film that features an ape and a sexy woman in a bikini who was raised by the ape aka Peking Man. This film is good fun at its best. Wild jungle cats fight men in a “I have no idea how they did that” scene that couldn’t have been legal and the jungle cat in later scenes appears drugged up so our sexy binkini-clad broad can put this animal on her shoulders. When she is not swinging the jungle cat around she climbs trees in a highly suggestive sexual manner that I have never witness before. This is a film to watch with your friends with some beer. Rent this movie, which Tarantino recently put on DVD. I assure you you will have an unforgettable evening with non-stop laughter.

GRINDHOUSE: Best Movie of 2007

I have been hyped for Grindhouse since it was announced. I have followed it closely up to its release and it lived up to and beyond my expectations. Unfortunately, myself and only a handful of other theatregoers went to see this amazing film.

I have seen it three times already (once a week since its release) and I love it more and more with each viewing. I haven’t heard one bad review and yet people are not seeing this movie. Reasons are abound; it’s too long, people don’t understand what it is, not enough marketing or that it opened on Easter weekend, a weekend that most people went to see family films – the latter is apparent by the box office receipts.

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Her Minor Thing- Movie review

Her Minor Thing

My fiancée’ would call this movie a “fallopian tube movie” meaning a girlie movie but I disagree. I think this film will appeal to most audiences it was one of those funny romantic comedies that give you that warm feeling in your belly, and the thought of why can’t this shit ever happen to me. Is there any romance left in this world…maybe?

“Her Minor Thing” stars “Estella Warren” who is beautiful with lips that give Angelina Jolie a run for her money. She plays “Jeana” who is thinks she is in this great loving relationship that is meant to be until her reporter boyfriend “Tom” accidentally spills her secret live on TV. and every man she comes in contact with wants to help her with it.

“Christian Kane” plays Paul the incredibly sexy blue eyed cowboy with a big heart who is Tom’s camera man and who bumps into Jeana and they gradually become friends. Paul shrugs off Tom’s arrogant behavior and just snickers at his asinine actions. Paul’s character will definitely have the girls swooning and wishing they were up there on screen with him.

This movie has everything you need all rolled up in one movie that will have you thinking about it even when it’s over. I’m not big on comedies but this particular one had me laughing at times and tensing up wondering of the outcome at others. This movie is one battle of the sexes you don’t wanna miss!

Movie Review: Trapped Ashes

This past weekend I attended the Philadelphia Film Festival and caught the horror anthology, “Trapped Ashes” at the Prince Music Theater.

Creeping from the imaginations of five bona fide thrill-makers, co-directors Sean S. Cunningham (Friday the 13th), John Gaeta (in charge of visual effects for The Matrix), Monte Hellman (Two-Lane Blacktop), Ken Russell (Altered States and former festival Phantasmagoria Award Recipient) and Joe Dante (Gremlins) fashion together a sometimes comic and often bloody anthology of shock that stems from a Hollywood studio tour gone awry. A nosy group of tourists find themselves trapped inside a carnival-esque torture chamber after they ignore warnings not to enter a “haunted” dwelling that formerly belonged to a deceased movie maestro. They are then forced to divulge their deepest darkest fears if they are to have any hope of escape. The framing device sets up episodes of “The Outer Limits”-inspired horror that include a fable of blood-sucking breast implants, a horrific parasitic sibling, a demonic sex fantasy and a cautionary tale of cursed adulteration. Henry Gibson (Nashville) plays the disarmingly oddball tour guide and B-movie veteran John Saxon (Nightmare on Elm Street) is a guest aboard this collective trip to terror!

For the guy who loves him a movie with boobies, this movie doesn’t disappoint. It’s replete with nudity but blood-sucking breasts are not a pretty sight. I don’t know if I’ll ever get those visuals out of my head. But it’s much more than a T&A horror film. Each story is gripping and entertaining, my favorite being “Jibaku” (Evil Spirit) directed by Sean Cunningham.

I’m guessing this film will end up going directly to DVD. If you get the chance to catch it on the big screen I highly recommend going. Otherwise, catch this when it is released on DVD. Fans of Creepshow and Tales From the Crypt horror anthologies will find much to like in this treasure. As a bonus, Joe Dante directs the wraparound episode and Dante fans will spot a couple Dante regular actors in his piece.